Nice things I see

행복한 용기

우리는 생각 보다, 

혹은 우리가 인지하고 있는 것 보다, 느끼는 것 보다

많이

서로연결되어있는것같다.

<나의 해방일지>라는 드라마에 아주 깊게 빠져보면서 알게되었다 

일차적으론 어떻게 내가 이렇게 나와 전혀 상관없는 다른 사람들이 만든 다른 사람들의 이야기 속으로 들어가 살 수 있으며

이차적으로는 어떻게 이렇게 나 같이 이 드라마에 빠져든 사람들이 쓴 글들을 읽으며 경험함: 같은 것을 보며 비슷한 비슷한 것을 자신 안에서 발견하게 되고 그래서 그런 비슷한 경험을 하고 있는 서로를 찾아 교감하고 싶어진다는 것. 

소셜미디어가 좋지 않은 점 많은 것 물론 다 아는 사실이지만 이런면에선-우리가 어떻게 서로 안에 서로를 품고 있는지 깨닳게 해 준다는 점에서 순기능도 있다는 걸 다시 한번 확인.

내 것을 홍보하여 유익을 창출하기 위한 용도가 아니라 순순하게 공감하고 싶어서. 드라마에 대해 나와 비슷한 경험을 한 사람들과 얘기나누는 것 자체로 채워지는 경험. 드라마에 대해 쓴 브로그를 찾아 모조리 읽고, 난생 처음으로 댓글이란 걸 달아보고, 난생 처음으로 미정역할을 한 김지원 배우의 인스타그램 포스트에 댓글을 달았다. 잘 했다고. 응원 한다고. 갑자기 김지원 배우가, 손석구 배우가 아는 동생들 이라는 착각에 빠졌다.

내 안에 이런 면이 있다는 걸 처음 알았다. 

그리고 나도 나의 이야기를 세상과 나누고 싶다. 나도 해도 되겠구나… 하는 약간의 확신 같은 것도 들었다.

그래서 일에 집중할 수 없었고 붕 떠있는 상태로 설렜다가 울었다가 갈증으로 연결되는 싸이클을 몇번이나 반복하며 보낸 지난 두 달, 결코 아까와 하지 않겠다. 

Published on: Author: kimyiBo
Home Journal

친구야

22 Jan 2024

어젯 밤에 니가 내 꿈에 나왔드랬다.

친구야

그 때 그 모습 그대로

아니 오히려 더 젊음을 눈에 띈 채

크고 검은 눈동자를

피하기 위해 나는 이것 저것 지껄여 댔다.

침묵하며 내 이야기를 듣다가

너가 입을 열어 꺼낸 말은 쉬운 말이 아니었다

너는 왜 나에게 이것 저것을 지시하니

그리고 넌 나의 말버릇 중 하나를 꼬집었다

자신을 깎아내리는 말 하지 말라고

같은 이야기를 하더라도-나와 관련된 일, 환경, 사람들-좋은 그림을 그리자고

난 부끄러웠지만 너의 충고에 고마웠다

이렇게 내 꿈에 찾아와 주어, 그 때, 우리 그 모습

그대로, 그 목소리 그대로 나에게

조언을 해주는 친구

너도 지금 무엇인가로 힘들거나 고민이 된다면

내가, 또 나의 그 때 그 모습으로 너의 꿈에 찾아가

너에게 어떤 도움이 되 주었으면 좋겠다.

-나

Published on: Author: kimyiBo
Motherhood Journal

Decision to Write. A Boundary Character

It is really my sister who encouraged me to write. So I decided to listen to her because I trust her judgement.

What I am trying to do with visual art these days is to make a form. A form that is like a calligraphic stroke, in a way that it would be a messenger of a meaning, and particular. I think that is what abstract art is all about.

It will be something in-between a script and an image.

A Dream

In my dream last night, I was talking with a friend who is a children’s book author. She was someone whom I admired (a non-specific person) or she was a version of me among versions of me. Nonetheless I was confiding in her about the things that was occupying my mind. An idea for a children’s book has impregnated me, but I cannot tend to it right now as I am working on other things. What do I do.

Without a spoken word she outstretched her arm towards me showing the bracelet on her wrist. It was colorful and hand crafted. Between the beads, I saw a writing, also written in hand.

Moby Dick in me will not rest till it comes out into the world.

-by Moby Dick

I have never read Moby Dick, though I did buy a copy and tried when I was in high school. But I do think there is something about massiveness of the book and the giant sea creature. Seeing this quote gave me so much peace. It was telling me not to worry that my efforts will come to nothing. It’s not just me, but Moby Dick itself who will make sure that it manifests in a life form in collaboration with me.

Published on: Author: kimyiBo
Motherhood Journal

Living in between… list of Boundary

Where to start…

making a list of the words that are bothering me lately, actually have been bothering me for a long time, like I was reading my thesis that I wrote in 2008, and I was already talking about these concepts. I must have not fully dealt with them, if not, why would they still bothering me?

boundary

threshold

liminality

one’s limit

cell membrane

semi-permeability

equilibrium

cell wall

self preservation

borders

transparency

Watching Amoeba morphing its shape, stretching to move and eat and contracting back is absorbing. constantly adopting and reproducing

in-between living

Published on: Author: kimyiBo
Motherhood Journal

you know what love is?

It’s pretending I am sad too when tears a size of chicken poo are falling of my 11 year old daughter’s cheek in the elevator coming down from the dentist appointment because she just pulled out a molar with two strands of roots still remaining and she can’t eat anything at the Christmas party.

it’s pretending that I am so proud of her when she brings back a C+ for the math test and say what’s important is that she knows the material and the things she got wrong are super minor things that don’t do much to change life.

Remember first time you learned about a concept of a white lie and we had to think about whether white lies are good or bad? I couldn’t choose either side then, and now I know.

Published on: Author: kimyiBo
Process of Art and Studio Logbook

I got an annual pass to the zoo

20 September 2024, Thursday

Went to Berlin Zoo to observe birds.

Got taken away by a pair of Lady Amherst’s Pheasants that were separated in two different cages. They could hear and feel each other but could not see nor touch one each other.

The female was pacing back and forth.

My presence seemed to have a soothing effect on her mood. As I kneeled down to draw her and her male friend, her pacing slowed down.

Published on: Author: kimyiBo

Die Heimat

Ich bin gewöhnen an

Ich wohne in

Ich bin zuhause

Auslandaufenthalt

laufen

ich lebe in Berlin ein

Ich fühle mich geborgen

angenehm

zufällig

gewöhnlich

tragen

das Wurzeln

ich habe die Sehnsucht nach

auswandern

Woran liegt das?

Ce qui manque, c’est le sentiment

Zuhause

il est toujour vers sieben Uhr qu’il commence

das Haltnis leer sein

zu tun mit Ich weiß nicht

Das mag ich nicht ist dass ich die Andere etwas schaffen wollen muss

und und oder

es ist das Gefühle dass es fällt

ich will irgendwo sein wo ich zuhaus sein kann

has kein Fruchtbarkeit

eine Antwort suchen bei Ihrem Vertraute

unabhängig ziest du die Frage

Was kann ich tun wenn ich mehr Geist haben als ich Abendessen produziere?

vernünftig ist dass du dich nich urteile

du hast schone so viel geleistet

der Tag kaum geendet wird

Published on: Author: kimyiBo
Daily Inspirations

Ich würde…

It has been so long since the last time I wrote here. One of things that changed in my life since the last time wrote here is my mailing address. Only those who have lived in the US may understand what I mean by mailing address in context of mailing address vs permanent address. Not that I have a permanent address any way… But I almost need to invent a new English word that signifies the city where one is residing at the moment, opposed to what is signified by hometown or home-city. It should imply temporary-ness, but the temporary address is not right either. It is something in between temporary and permanent. Well. Let’s say I am living in Berlin at the moment, to make it simple.

Now I can elaborate on another issue, which is the fact that I am learning German. The former paragraph is important to lay the grounds of why I have embarked on this journey of acquiring another language. Having a new address that is somewhere between temporary and permanent should explain my urgency of learning the language of this city.

Today in my German class, we learned about Konjunktiv II and the verb würde. The teacher wrote on the board the three situations when the Konjunktiv II form würde would be used as such: 1) when asking something politely 2) making a suggestion 3) when talking about an unrealistic wishes.

On the side of my note I wrote würde = “would like to” and “wish one could.” Then I thought how strange the same word would be used in two seemingly unrelated situations. Then another English speaker in the class asked the teacher, “Can I use würde when talking about realistic wishes, such as in ‘I wish you can join me at the dinner tonight’?” Then the teacher said no. In that case you would not use würde because it would imply that you know the person you are talking to is not joining you for dinner. The student who asked the question looked baffled, and so did I. For the rest of the class I could not stop thinking about how I have been using the the word “would” in English. So I decided to make some examples with “would” to understand how it is used in sentences.

(These sentences are just examples, nothing too serious… )

  • I would be so happy if I can make this project work.
  • Wouldn’t it be nice to work as an artist and be able to support myself and my family?
  • Would I have chosen to be artist had I known that discouragement was something I have to live with daily?
  • What would I do if I was an already successful artist?
  • Would you help me to have just bit more time for me to focus on making this thing work?

Now I put these sentences in DeepL translator to translate to German.

  • Ich wäre so glücklich, wenn ich dieses Projekt verwirklichen könnte.
  • Wäre es nicht schön, als Künstlerin zu arbeiten und mich und meine Familie ernähren zu können?
  • Hätte ich mich für den Beruf des Künstlers entschieden, wenn ich gewusst hätte, dass ich täglich mit Entmutigung leben muss?
  • Was würde ich tun, wenn ich bereits ein erfolgreicher Künstler wäre?
  • Würden Sie mir helfen, ein bisschen mehr Zeit zu haben, damit ich mich darauf konzentrieren kann, diese Sache zum Laufen zu bringen?

Übersetzt mit http://www.DeepL.com/Translator (kostenlose Version)

Published on: Author: kimyiBo